ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
