Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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