jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
