As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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