yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
