You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
