My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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