Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
