Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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