What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
