I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
