the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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