we have officially lost it.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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