I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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