Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
