She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the day after is always just damage control
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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