nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I faked an abortion last night.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
