I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
