Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
