Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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