I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
