Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
