He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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