Screwed.edu
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
