just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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