My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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