We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
