It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
