Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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