Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
