I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have tasted many bathrooms
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
