So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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