I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
