you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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