i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
not ubering you a puppy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
