You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
