I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
