so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
