you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
