Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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