i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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