I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
