Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
