We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
