Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
