My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
