He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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