last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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