Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
