Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
