'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
