I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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