Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
did i walk over a car last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
