I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
