bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dear god my vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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