Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm just crazy horny about you
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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