the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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