I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
