Girls should come with a carfax report
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
