If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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