Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
