You smell like a Billy Joel song
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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