it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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