I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
