would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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