Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
