And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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