My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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