Pants 0. Shit 1.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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