He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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