I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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