I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
vagina is talking i cant
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
